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The boundary

Dear Willa,

Many thanks for your letter to Jonnie. We have read parts of it to him, to let him know you love him and are thinking of him, but edited some of the other content. I hope you will understand when I say that we have to put Jonathan first in whatever we do.

We would like to read him your letters, but right now, the language isn’t what would be best for him. He knows Virginia as his mother and me as his father. He wants to call you “Willa” now. He knows and understands that you are his first mom and will always be that to him. But at five and learning the nuances of language, the words we all use can have a deep effect on his inner life. We can’t know what goes on there, but we can protect him from confusion.

Although it may not seem like that much of a deal, it is very important. He knows that home is here, and that he used to call Reno, NV, home, but here is where he wants to stay. He talks regularly with his grandparents and relishes keeping that connection and those relationships. We hope that one day he will have a solid relationship with you. But as you know, sobriety and honesty on your part are the keys you having that.

We would like for you to respect these boundaries. He has adjusted well. The overly familiar tone of your letters can only produce confusion and doubt at a time when he really needs to know where his home is and who his parents are.

He’s doing very well in school and has adjusted to his home. He likes to be called “Jon” at school. He likes art, and weekly goes to an after school art center where the kids to various project. He is a whiz at Math, and we have given our consent for him to be further evaluated for the ‘gifted’ learners program. He take a test to see if he can finish the school year in first grade reading. He won’t be moving up a grade, only reading and doing the reading work with the first graders.

His life is filled with friends, some of whom live in the neighborhood and with whom he has made friends. As a matter of fact, he will be going to a birthday party of one of his friends next week. His mom is going to be the room mom for the class Valentine’s party, something Virginia is looking forward to as much as he is.

He has made some great friends among the children of our friends. Jonnie has made friends with the children of our friends. As a matter of fact, we do things with them weekly and, once in a while, we have sleepovers, particularly when I have work on the weekends or one of the parents needs a break.

He adores his big sister Sydney, and their relationship is very natural and easy. If you didn’t know better, you would think Jonathan has been in this family unit from day one. It really has been an easy adjustment all the way around. Jonathan is our son, and we are committed to keeping him safe, protected, healthy, and happy.

We hope you are well and will soon be joining Jonathan in a meaningful relationship.

Patrick

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